Inspired by President Barack Obama’s state dinner for visiting Chinese President Hu Jintao I have decided to throw one in honor of my creditors. Each creditor will have the option of bringing two repo men.
Renting a tuxedo for the occasion is out of the question because the tuxedo renter is on the guest list. So I will do with a suit I had got tailored for my wedding 16 years ago. Yes, it still fits although buttons and buttonholes really struggle to make ends meet, quite like its wearer.
I can imagine that most of my creditors would be looking for things in my house they can auction to recover some of their debts rather than engaging in small talk. It is a great challenge to choose a menu for the evening because no matter what I serve some creditor is likely to wince while chewing it thinking that his or her money might have paid for it. Drinks are not going to be on the menu because it is bad enough to have creditors over for dinner.Why make it worse by getting them drunk? The only thing worse than an angry creditor is an angry drunk creditor with two repo men.
I have to be careful in choosing which among my creditors I invite. To those whom I owe less than $1000 will not make the cut. They are just not classy enough for the event. I mean look at President Hu who was so polite, even though his country has lent America nearly a trillion dollars. If he was thinking how it would feel to repossess the White House, he did a great job of hiding it. I am sure he had been informed that the White House’s value had also been hit by the general real estate decline.
I will be particularly gracious to the repo men. In case they have to come for my cars, it would be good to have them remember the great meal I served them. They would afford me the courtesy of not ambushing on a freeway and taking possession of my car, leaving me flashing my thumb for a ride home. They might consider first dropping me home and then take the car.
This is a potentially great plot for a comedy. Inviting your creditors for a dinner is fraught with some wicked humor. I have already registered the idea. So if you have any plans to plagiarize it, be warned. I will sue you. (Really).
It would be awkward to start a conversation with a creditor but I have thought of a perfect ice breaker.
“So I am wearing a decent undergarment in case you decide to repossess my suit after dinner.”
To which the creditor would say dismissively:
“Naah, your suit is so 1990s.”
