‘Primal’ by Mayank Chhaya
Here is why god is manifestly male.
* Look around the universe. He couldn’t be content with just one of everything. One sun/star, one solar system, one galaxy. He had to have hundreds of billions of each and,of course, control none.
* The universe is going in every direction. He has no clue where to go and considers it infra dig to ask for directions. It is a good thing that the universe is largely empty.
* He loves to start fires and set off explosions. Just go to any corner of the universe. Things are always burning and exploding. Of course, he has no idea how to douse the fires. He is a pyromaniac who believes that fires will eventually burn out.
* He just flings things. A case in point? The meteorite that crashed and burned over Russia the other day. I have it on unimpeachable authority that he had hurled that meteorite at a celestial dog which was barking too much but missed it by a few light years.
* Contrary to Einstein's assertion, he is not subtle and is so obviously malicious.
* He is obsessed with size. Proof? The universe.
* What he does is mostly meaningless. Proof? The universe.
* He respects no boundaries. Proof? The universe.
* He is loud and attention-seeking. Proof? The universe.
* He has lost the plot? Proof? Black holes.
* He is disastrous at accounting. Ask him for an inventory of things in the universe. The numbers vary so wildly.
* He is forgetful. He left the sun burning even as the planets were playing around it.
* He never responds when called for help because he is so busy starting new fires and setting off new explosions.
Against all these enormous odds, here is the clinching proof that god is female.
* She is profoundly and eternally inscrutable. Her clues are so cryptic that her clues need clues.
Disclaimer: I have no personal beliefs. My mind is a void that holds nothing.
Note: In case you have not noticed, this my short attempt at something that resembles humor.